I can respect that. For some people, trust and familiarity are non-negotiable requirements and I respect that. I... don't often have a choice back home. Or rather, when I do, something always goes wrong. I make th
[ The nature of the effects of these weird dustbunny bites is beginning to dawn on him finally, and that desperate jab at the send button and toss of his device across his bed before he can type more is as much as he's willing to acknowledge it... but within a handful of seconds, he's back at it. Letting the rest of that thought hang unfinished feels like his brain is being sunburned from the inside out. ]
I make them go wrong. I love people who are brilliant, but no matter how often I tell myself I deserve them, I know I don't. And I know I'm destroying them, their futures, by hanging onto them. So I make sure they never want to come back to me, and I get my kicks with people who don't know and don't care who I am as long as it feels good.
If I can call you a friend, then I can shield you from that part of me. And if you need a mark on your scorecard, we can treat it like business as usual.
I don't think that you're destroying them. It doesn't sound like you would, not purposely, not from this.
I'm grateful that what I need is something you would do. I like to believe in people but I've met some that wouldn't try to do that. It says something about a person.
You don't know what I've done. Or what's been done because of me. It's why I'm not as keen on escaping as I should probably be. This could be my chance to put all of that behind me and start again, where articles in BT haven't told everyone who I am before I've even shown my own face. I don't want to turn this, with you, into ano
[ And, once again, probably for the same reason, that's it for nearly a minute. ]
I'm sorry. I think I might check into a clinic if this keeps happening. But for what it's worth, part of a real friendship should be the willingness to get your hands dirty helping each other with unconventional problems. That isn't to say I expect you to owe me. More that a bond forged in the kind of surreal tribulations going on in this place... is ultimately worth the effort.
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Whatever I have to do and choose to do I'd rather trust who it's with. A friend over a stranger.
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[ The nature of the effects of these weird dustbunny bites is beginning to dawn on him finally, and that desperate jab at the send button and toss of his device across his bed before he can type more is as much as he's willing to acknowledge it... but within a handful of seconds, he's back at it. Letting the rest of that thought hang unfinished feels like his brain is being sunburned from the inside out. ]
I make them go wrong. I love people who are brilliant, but no matter how often I tell myself I deserve them, I know I don't. And I know I'm destroying them, their futures, by hanging onto them. So I make sure they never want to come back to me, and I get my kicks with people who don't know and don't care who I am as long as it feels good.
If I can call you a friend, then I can shield you from that part of me. And if you need a mark on your scorecard, we can treat it like business as usual.
no subject
I'm grateful that what I need is something you would do. I like to believe in people but I've met some that wouldn't try to do that. It says something about a person.
no subject
[ And, once again, probably for the same reason, that's it for nearly a minute. ]
I'm sorry. I think I might check into a clinic if this keeps happening. But for what it's worth, part of a real friendship should be the willingness to get your hands dirty helping each other with unconventional problems. That isn't to say I expect you to owe me. More that a bond forged in the kind of surreal tribulations going on in this place... is ultimately worth the effort.
no subject
no subject